


circuits with a heartbeat.

by douxdamian



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, F/M, Guilt, Post-Canon, good old classic oneshot angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23275813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douxdamian/pseuds/douxdamian
Summary: "Anyway... You know, if I was ever to see her again, you what I'd say? I'd say: "I'm sorry"... sincerely, I'm sorry I was bossy... and monstrous... and... I am genuinely sorry."But it wasn't the end.Wheatley still wishes he could take it all back.He tries to take it all back....it won't be enough.
Relationships: Chell & Wheatley (Portal), Chell/Wheatley (Portal)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	circuits with a heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short little thing I wrote up in my spare time while waiting for videos to render. I know the Portal 2 fandom isn't bursting with life right now, but I still wanted to write for it. And I am certainly not done, at least I hope not.

**[ . . . ]**

**[ . . . _ | ]**

**[ . . . accessing: C://IDSPH-smWH.HPT%5K.9386 _ _ | ]**

The LED lights casted a soft fog around Her— now His, actually— chamber, his immediate giddy reaction to being in control causing black steel panels to bounce around yellow-lit cubes around the chamber.

“Woooow! Check me out, partner!” Wheatley cheered, breathless, spinning around the chassis. “We did it! I’m in control of the whole facility now!”

_That’s right. We._

_We did it._

Peering over at Chell, the test subject he had grown rather fond of during their misadventures, stood on the ground looking up at him. Though, instead of finding his circuits go crazy at the sensation of how huge he was— almost like he was supposed to— he only felt warmth. Affection. Something a sphere like him would never be permitted to have, but still, they were alive. He was alive, with Chell, they _both_ did it.

Then there it was. A smile. A smile on Chell’s face. Something inside of him told him that he wasn’t supposed to see a smile on her face, but there it was, lips curled and dimples on each side of her cheeks, chilly eyes often hardened with stress and exhaustion bright with success. He couldn’t help but feel shy that he was the source of that look, that very special look from this human who doesn’t say a word, who doesn’t show any emotion due to fear. But she was showing emotion towards _Wheatley._

They did it. _They_ did.

Wheatley wouldn’t forget that. He vowed not to, almost as if it was important not to forget that, like a tiny little urgent voice constantly berating _donotforgetthatdonotforgetthatdonotforgetthatdonotforgetthat—_

 _She_ was there, her head severed from the chassis, against the cold, unfeeling facility ground. The robot brute that once controlled the entire facility was at his mercy. If Wheatley tried hard enough, he could feel that panel beneath Her, how helpless She was.

“Uhm… before we go,” Something felt odd, “I actually really want to say something to you. I’ll summon the lift in a moment, don’t worry.”

Chell tilted her head. She was listening, as always, Wheatley noted. Always listening to him. Never saying a word, but that was okay, because her being here was enough, he’d tell himself. Was he telling himself that? Or was something else?

It didn’t matter.

“Haha, this is going to sound really cheesy, alright? Now, don’t… don’t judge me, got it? You don’t of course!” he added quickly after his statement, the words suddenly feeling familiar to him like he might’ve thought she was judging him at one point. _This is my partner,_ he told himself, _why would I ever believe that?_ “But… this time… you might just… I dunno, find me a little funky, ‘ere… yeah…” Wheatley curled his chassis upwards slightly, not letting the massive size get to him. But he was massive— no, _no, you’re missing the point,_ something in his core interrupted, _you’re missing the point, Wheatley, the point is that she’s still here. Listening to you. She’s not in any rush. Look at her._ Look _at her. She’s smiling—_

Wheatley exhaled. He didn’t exactly have oxygen to exhale, but it still felt like there was a lot in his non-existent lungs that he needed to release. “You’ve… well, I never thought we’d get it this far, honestly…” he started before finding himself being too much! That was too much! Another mistake! “No— not that I doubted your skills, dear, I just— well, it’s funny really, you’re actually the most skilled test subject I’ve seen. I was in charge of human relations, of keeping them alive and… well…” _bad idea bad idea bad idea bad idea bad idea—_ “Clearly, as you can tell, they didn’t make it far. They never did… it’s rather they died in their comatosed states or… or went insane or couldn’t finish that one test and ended up dying…”

He looked around, almost hesitant to meet her gaze, but he longed for that face. Her face. He looked back. “But… you made it to the portal device, you made it through everything She threw at you, you did it! And I was there to watch it all happen! It was… oh, man, seeing you go? All of your ideas? Man! You pushed all those buttons and used those cubes and light bridges and— and watching from the sidelines—” That sentence didn’t fit right, “—it just… it made me feel adrenaline. It made me feel alive.” Wheatley winced. “I… am not alive. I’m a core. I was built… but…”

A nervous chuckle filled the facility. The _entire_ facility. It’s amazing how loud his voice was. It could be heard everywhere. “...I suppose you built something else in me, actually. Made me feel like… someone cared about what I had to say and all… you trusted me, and followed me, and came back when I told you to come back…” Wheatley’s voice got quieter, softer, his core suddenly losing focus.

_COMEBACKCOMEBACK— the good ??? days?wait no come back sorry PLEASEcomeb— those days?— would you justsstsstsstssst—_

Wheatley was quiet. He slowly turned to Chell who held out a hand. He blinked at the gesture, gazing at the human, who twitched her worn fingers for him to come closer. And he did. He would listen to her. _For once,_ a dark sinister voice cooed in his computer.

Uncurling his _— massivehugeimpressivegiganticshutupshutupshutup—_ body downwards, Chell took a few steps forward, portal gun loose at her side.

A hand slowly made its way against the left side of his core. It was soft. He could feel it, her touch.

_—hands clinging to his handlebars, wind blowing past his core and her, a dark void in front of them—_

He leaned into it.

_—let go I am still connected I can still fix this—_

_Don’t let go,_ he pleaded in his core.

_—hold onto me. tighter. tighter—_

And she wouldn’t.

She wouldn’t let go.

Wheatley opened his optic, which he didn’t know was shut, and stared into her slate gray eyes. Her eyebrows were bent just slightly, creating an affectionately concerned look.

He didn’t deserve this.

Wheatley almost pulled away, but if he did, he’d be lost. He was found with her. He found himself with her. “Don’t let go,” he repeated out loud, very quietly, although the facility reverberated his words. For the first time, he only wanted his words to reach her ears and her ears alone. Wheatley didn’t want to be loud. He didn’t want to be heard. Only she was allowed to hear him.

Chell’s eyes darted to gaze around at his core before setting her portal gun down, her hand slipping from his side— _nonononono hold onto me you cannot let go please don’t let go—_ before she came back up and placed both hands on his metal plates.

Relief flooded him, but also intense guilt and shame.

Funnels of blue flooded his vision, misguided aerial faith plates, flashes of bombs, _oh God the sight of her weakly raising from the ground on her knees and elbows to give him a glare of_ hurt—

“I’m sorry,” he almost yelped, but it came off as a broken whimper. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, luv. You don’t know… you don’t know how much I wish, _I pray,_ that I could take it all back,” Wheatley continued, his circuits whirring, “Just for a redo. Just to have this. Just to have you, safe, and not think of me as a monster. I betrayed you— we were a team— we were best friends,” he rambled, finding his files overriding with data. “You are my best friend. You know that, right? Please know that. There’s nothing for me out there, I realized, there’s nothin’. You were everything I needed, and I destroyed that because I’m—”

_[I AM NOT A MORON]_

“I’m a—”

_[AM I BEING TOO VAGUE?]_

Chell stared at him. Listening. Always listening.

_[I DESPISE YOU I LOATHE YOU YOU ARROGANT SMUGLY QUIET AWFUL JUMPSUITED MONSTER OF A WOMAN]_

Things went quiet.

_[WARNING: Not enough MEMORY. Please update your driver.]_

“I’m a moron, luv. I am. I didn’t do you justice. I know this.”

_[PROGRAM WILL CLOSE SHORTLY.]_

Wheatley watched as Chell held onto him tightly. “No matter how many times I have to do this… it’s always good to see your face, partner. Really. It’s keeping me sane, here, actually…” he murmured, “perhaps, somehow, it makes up for the anguish I put you through. Just barely. It’d be better if I could see you in person and tell you this.”

Chell’s thumb brushed against his outer layer, and he felt his optic smile with affection, gazing at her.

“I just want to listen to you sometimes. Not like you speak or anythin’, no… unless you want me to of course, but… just… I want to listen to you be you… I want you to talk to me again, in that way, does that make sense…?” Wheatley murmured. “Enough with me talking, right? I was always so busy just… _talking._ But you listened anyway. I wonder if… this is gonna sound very… very off the top, but, I wonder if you think about me.”

_[5…]_

“You’re all I think about. It’s a little obsessive, ain’t it? But… here in space?” He gave a nervous laughter, “I’m glad you didn’t let go, I’m glad you held onto me while you could, trying to save me even though I didn’t deserve it, and…”

_[4…]_

“...Thank you… for listening to me. For coming back to me all those times. Truly. Thank you.”

_[3…]_

“And I’m sorry. I wish I could see you now. You wouldn’t have to do anything for me, you won’t have to catch me, you won’t have to test for me, you could just be you. You could talk as yourself, y’know? No words, just bein’ your amazing self. No pits necessary, no buttons, no escaping...”

_[2…]_

“...And I’d watch you. Not from monitors, not from my management rail, not from this body… I’d just be where _you_ want me to be this time.”

_[1…]_

Then, Chell’s mouth slightly opened, and Wheatley could make out the lip synchronization of ‘APPLE’.

He chuckled, watching her closely, taking a good look. “...Simple word, isn’t it?”

Her forehead met the top of his core gently. It was warm.

Chell smiled.

That’s all he needed to see.

_[CLOSING PROGRAM.]_

  
  


The ambience was suffocating. There was nothing. When he opened his optic, he was met with nothing. It was _nothing._ Black, voidless _nothing,_ with a few planets and distant balls of fiery gas speckled here and there. Wheatley was tormented on an endless orbit around the moon.

There he was again.

Alone.

“SPACESPACESPACESPACETHEMOONIT’SSTILLSOBIG—”

Well… not _entirely._ But then again, someone with a conscience that wasn’t filled with literal space couldn’t exactly count as ‘perfect company’ either.

The two words _perfect company_ only brought up one familiar face.

Better him floating up here with no oxygen than her, he supposed.

Still.

His core felt broken. This ticking corrupted twitch in his harddrive was worse than his damaged core he had previously.

Then, he accessed his memory files again, the feeling of longing, the scariness of the cold endless void of space giving him familiar feelings of Aperture when Chell was punched down the pit. There was no warmth of orange in space. Just black, white, and Earth.

_—here we go! Now do it again—_

Wheatley shook off his past words. Without the hum of the facility, with only the sounds of the moon barely making it towards his audio receptors, he could only hear himself— and little space core— but there was a constant replay of _everything he has ever said._

He missed his teammate.

He missed _Chell._

Just one more time.

**[ enter: C://IDSPH-smWH.HPT%5K _ | ]**

**[ . . . ]**

**[ . . . _ | ]**

**[ . . . accessing: C://IDSPH-smWH.HPT%5K.9387 _ _ | ]**

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr: [clemdence](http://clemdence.tumblr.com/)
> 
> my instagram: [clemdence](http://instagram.com/clemdence)
> 
> thanks for reading !


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